Voiceless

 The cold I have been fending for a few days now seems to have annexed my vocal chords. All I am left with is the ability to make slight croaking sounds that vaguely resemble words but I tend to lose even this mid-sentence. At random intervals, the noise that has temporarily replaced my voice, seems to disappear altogether or deteriorate into a raspy squawking.

The problem is I can't really stop talking. Perhaps, I haven't really tried hard enough but it does seem to be impossible not to speak.

One would think that making these the pathetic and almost indiscernible sounds, not to mention inflicting a considerable amount of pain on myself, would be enough incentive to desist with all attempts at verbal communication. Apparently it is not.

Even when there are no other people around I still attempt to talk. I've taken the day off work; even my somewhat intimidating Deputy Principal thought it best for me to not attempt to teach without a voice. I guess a voiceless teacher trying to handle classrooms of rambunctious teenagers would have about as much success as flightless pigeon trying to herd a pride of lions*.

I have on several occasions today tried to talk to the cat, an act that I do not normally consider a sign of dementia but when one's throat is exceedingly sore perhaps it is excessive to strain one's voice in order to pester pets. Mostly, my voice just croaked and the cat slept through my raspy utterances. However, my last attempted communication was a somewhat squawking and unpleasant sound and it woke her up. She did not look impressed.

I think I actually need to gag myself to cease these unnecessary attempts at talking. Rather like when a dog has a sore paw or stitches and they put a bucket on its head so that it can't lick the wound**. I think I need the vocal equivalent if my throat is to heal.

* Collective nouns are cool but often unusual. Pride of lions seems understandable enough but some are slightly more obscure such as "a deceit of lapwings" and "an exaltation of larks".  Some seem entirely appropriate such as, "A crash of rhinoceroses" and "A sneak of weasels".  Others merely seem ridiculous. "A horde of gerbils," for example.  Surely, "horde" must be an over-statement. It seems a little too dramatic. "Beware the ravening horde of gerbils!" You can find many more collective nouns here.

** I have never seen this bucket treatment successfully applied to any dog I have ever owned or helped with. Generally, dogs aren't keen on the idea of people putting buckets on their heads. However, I have seen dogs wandering around with buckets firmly attached about their heads and vets recommend the practice, so it must work for some or most dogs. Otherwise there is some elaborate conspiracy to try and make me believe that it is therapeutic to place buckets on dogs' heads when it is in fact not so. I shouldn't be surprised if that was the case.