The Not-so-Great NZ Debate

 I went to a lot of effort to watch and record The Great New Zealand Debate last night on Channel 1 (that is I asked Matt to set-up the video and then watched it. Tiring stuff really.) I had a cunning plan to end the Debating unit that I am doing at the moment with my Year 10 class by watching it on Friday. I thought it would be a fun way to end the term.

I have to say I was a little disappointed. Firstly, it was way too smutty and crass to let a Year 10 watch which is really saying something because they are not delicate little creatures.

However, what really disappointed me was the lack of actual debating. I haven’t always watched it over the years but didn’t they used to argue the moot, rebut the opponents’ points and well, debate?

Debating is supposed to use humour and some of the rebuttal can get fierce and heated but is not supposed to be a 6 minute stand-up routine of cheap and crude jabs at the sexual activities of Kiwi B-grade celebrities such as Charlotte Dawson and Shrek the sheep!

More Diary Fun

 Well these Victorian diaries that my students are writing are continuing to be the main source of entertainment I have at school at the moment. So far they have been quite action-packed which was a little unexpected given that the assignment was focussed on covering living conditions and mundane facts.

The diaries have been filled with adventure, romance, gambling, and crime (predominantly stealing from the Cabin Class passengers or murder) which has made them fun to read. One of the most amusing aspects is the way the students have subtly crafted their exciting plots with the historical details of everyday life they are required to include.

One of the best examples so far:

Timothy was so handsome when he dressed up for the dance on the deck. [Timothy is a young passenger with whom the heroine of the diary has been spending a great deal of time with.] I think I am beginning to fall in love with him. But maybe it is just the weevils. The sea biscuits we have to eat have become full of weevils.

For those you are interested, she does become involved with Timothy. They are married when they arrive in New Zealand after they discover that she is pregnant.

There have also been difficulties with students having the character who is writing the diary murdered during the journey. It makes the required final entry, when they describe arriving in New Zealand, a little difficult.

Still I cannot complain. They have really done considerably better than I expected. Some of them have written nearly 3000 words which is impressive when they only have to write 500 words.

Assuming Common Knowledge is Common

 Not everyone thinks the same. The world would be an uninteresting place if we did. However, sometimes the vast distance between what I think is common knowledge and what some 13 years old actually know is scaringly huge. A giant canyon that, at times, seems too wide to bridge. With such an immense chasm between us, I think that even if I jumped up and down waving my arms frantically they could probably only make out a vague shape in the far distance.

I had one of those moments today.

My class have been studying Victorian England and factors that led to British migrants moving to New Zealand in the nineteenth century. Naturally there have been interesting questions about that time period.

World War II was in the nineteenth century, wasn’t it?

Did they have TV cartoons back then?

The class covered a lot of research material about Victorian living conditions, child labour, housing, health, medicine and poverty. We read a book called Young Exile about a teenage English girl who immigrates to New Zealand in 1849 (a good Young Adult book - I enjoyed it).

Their assignment is to write a diary of a nineteenth century British emigrant before, during and after their three-month journey to New Zealand. They have to include certain historical aspects and be convincing in their descriptions.

I started marking the drafts today. On the whole they were good until I came across the line:

I am leaving England because I am too poor to buy McDonalds and want to go somewhere where I can have McDonalds.
(Spelling and syntax corrected)

Naturally I questioned the student as to whether McDonalds was historically accurate. He said that yes it was. Apparently a lack of Big Macs was one of the major ‘push’ factors involved in nineteenth century emigration from England. I mentioned that McDonalds did not exist in the nineteenth century and the look on his face was one of horror. He claims to not believe me and will be ‘checking it out’ (ie. asking his parents) tonight.

I don’t know why he is having such a hard time accepting this fact. The students were fairly unquestioning about all the other information I gave them about Victorian England.

Women couldn’t vote. Fine. Many children had to work long hours in dangerous and unpleasant jobs. Believable. No McDonalds? Impossible!!!

Is a time before Happy Meals ™ existed to terrifying for their young minds to contemplate?

Passive-Aggressive Feline Conspiracies

 I think I may have finally worked out the reason for much of Austen’s (my infamous tortoiseshell cat who is currently sprawled across my lap) recent Evil behaviour. She has a plan. Actually a conspiracy. Cats are too smart for mere plans. The word ‘Plan’ conjures up images of the silly schemes of simpletons like Wily Coyote. A plan would be leaving a trail of bird seed up to the bottom of a cliff above which a 40 tonne anvil is suspended waiting to drop on the road-runner. Plans invariably fail and usually with the coyote getting ‘comically’ squished himself. A conspiracy would require more effort. Clandestine meetings in underground lairs and boardrooms where shadowy figures menacingly decide on which method is best to inflict their doom on the unsuspecting public.

Thus conspiracy is far better word to describe the recent actions of Austen. She, however, does not require hoards of minions, influence over the Government or shadowy lairs to plot her way to achieving her goals. She works alone. A one-cat conspiracy – cute and fluffy but dangerous nonetheless.

Austen has been orchestrating an intricate operation. Each move as carefully calculated as a master Chess player. Each move bringing her closer to her end goal. And what you ask is that goal?

TO DRIVE ME TO A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN WHERE I HAVE TO QUIT MY JOB AND STAY AT HOME TO FULFIL HER EVERY WHIM.

I have at last found out the truth. Why else would she being going to such extremes as the following:

1. Drinking out of my glass of water. Every time my back is turned, I hear the lapping. I have even caught her drinking from my glass. Her own water bowl is full. I have carried her to it but still she persists in jumping up on the desk or table and drinking from my glass of water. The reason can only be that it is phase one of her conspiracy.

Phase One: Dehydration. Humans need water and slowly go mad when deprived of it.

2. Kill small mice. Decapitate them. Leave the corpses in places the humans won’t suspect like under the laundry. That maximises shock-value.

Phase Two: Shock and Scare Tactics. Nothing says “watch out” like a headless mouse in undergarments.

3. Meow loudly when the human does not expect it. Nothing puts a human on edge as quickly as a loud “meow” screamed in their ear from behind. Wait until humans are watching the TV or using the computer. Jump on them unexpectedly and meow loudly. Jumping from the side is good, jumping from behind is better. Randomly clawing furniture when they sit on it also helps build tension.

Phase Three: Keep the human on edge.

4. Be demanding. Sure a cat could paw out the food of her self-feeder by herself (hence the name ‘self-feeder’) but what would be the fun in that? Better to demand that they jiggle your food out for you regularly. Bonus: keeps paws clean.

Phase Four: Keep them busy with tasks you could easily do for yourself.

5. Run crazily around the room for no apparent reason. Act really affectionate until they stroke you. After a while bite and scratch them for no reason. Keep them guessing.

Phase Five: Confuse them with random strange behaviour.

6. Jump back on their lap while they are still typing their blog entry as if you have an uncanny knowledge of what they are typing… Communicate to your followers by walking across the keyboard…

0}bvggp0]kh[p0 reywyghut6xf4 jgtdyi8qwe (authentic Austen contribution from earlier today)

...then jump off and run away leaving the human with a desire to quickly finish typing and go and see what you are up to...

Cell-phones Killed the Video Star

 Well it has been a long and arduous term for me which is thankfully coming to its end.

8 more school days to go! Yay!

When I started planning this term's classes I cunningly scheduled 'fun' units for the bottom end of the term. This means Debating, Drama and Film studies as far as I'm concerned. Both my senior classes are currently studying films. This means I have had at least 2-3 cruisy lessons of watching videos in class. Fun and easy. The way I like things.

However, I had not counted on a couple of obstacles. The first being the other teachers have similar thoughts and the videos have been booked out solidly this week. The second obstacle was that some students struggle with the cognitive ability required to watch a video. This is a disturbing widespread problem. Brain Deficit Disorder (BDD) or as it is known in layman's "being too stupid to breathe and shut your mouth at the same time".

Thankfully being sent out into the cold to catch pneumonia seemed to counteract the noise created by students afflicted with BDD. There was still the problem of some students who were crafty enough not to talk loudly during the movie, getting distracted by their cellphones.

Why watch a movie when you can send inane and poorly spelt text messages to all your friends?

However for the most part my sixth form class impressed me once again. We have been watching The Shawshank Redemption - one of my favourite movies. They have all been completely immersed in it from the second it starts to the end of class. They appear to both enjoy and understand it. In fact, I nearly had a riot today when I turned the video off about 15 minutes from the end of the movie. It was the end of class but it is a pretty annoying place to have to stop watching.

Today I had to relieve another sixth form class. They were starting to watch Billy Elliot. They were appallingly juvenile and it seemed several of them suffered from BDD. Once again the allure of the cell-phone proved too much and many of them missed most of the movie.

Ultimate Singstar Fun!

 Last night was a fantastic fun-filled evening where people came around to do several of my favourite things.

1. Give me super-cool pressies (Joy! Rapture! Thanks heaps!)
2. Drink Chocolate Martinis (Yummy)
3. Sing the SingStar

The Singstar had the usual high calibre of karaoke despite the fact that some people cheated by actually being able to sing. I didn't do too badly though because Singstar doesn't measure how well you sing, just if you hit notes at the right time, get the right pitch and hold them. As we discovered, you can pretty much sing any words. There were some fantastic "monkeyfied" songs. The challenge was to fit the word "monkey" into appropriate places in the lyrics.

Some of my favourites included:

"Girls don't like boys,
Girls like cats and monkeys"

"Pretty monkey, walking down the street.
Pretty monkey, the kind I like to meet."

Another reason why last night was "Ultimate Singstar Fun" was the surprise addition of the Eye-Toy. I was luckily given an Eye-Toy as a present (Thanks - you rock!) and they are SO GOOD! The Eye-Toy games are pretty fun. You can do the Kung-fu (although the Pandas with baseball bats are hard to fight off), dancing, crazy mirror game, ghost fighting and window washing. All involve you standing in front of the TV and camera and madly flailing your arms and legs around (at least that is how I played them). If you get the High Score, you have to pose for a photo. Lots of fun but I do now have slightly sore arms.

The Eye-Toy is particularly cool when used with SingStar. You get to see yourself dancing around and singing for the music video, and it creates groovy effects around you and with your image. You also to have segments of your performances recorded for Playback.

Now I must pay the price of much fun and merriment - planning for the week and marking.

Hark! The fearsome Battie Cry of the Debz

 

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Who is that, prowling across the icy wasteland! It is The Debz, hands clutching buzzsaw hand extensions! And with a low howl, her voice cometh: "Vengeance and goo flow from my veins! I burn with the holy fires of destruction!!!"

Find out! Enter username:  Are you a girl, or a guy ?

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